How Jedi made Anakin Skywalker feel through the years
Anakin Skywalker, 9 years old:
“I had a dream I was a Jedi,” the boy said quickly, anxious to talk about it now. “I came back here and freed all the slaves. I dreamed it just the other night, when I was out in the desert.” He paused, his young face expectant. “Have you come to free us?”
Qui-Gon Jinn shook his head. “No, I’m afraid not…”
The boy’s brow furrowed. “What are we going to do about it?” At this point, Obi-Wan turned to stare at the boy, giving him a look that demanded in no uncertain terms, What do you mean, “we”? The boy caught the look and stared back at him, expressionless.
“We will be patient,” Qui-Gon advised, straightening himself, drawing their attention back to him. “Anakin Skywalker, meet Obi-Wan Kenobi.”
The boy beamed. “Pleased to meet you. Wow! You’re a Jedi Knight, too, aren’t you?”
The younger Jedi looked from the boy to Qui-Gon and rolled his eyes in despair.
Anakin Skywalker faced the Jedi Council, standing in the same place Qui-Gon Jinn had stood some hours earlier. He was nervous at first, brought into the chamber by Qui-Gon, then left alone with the twelve members of the Council. Standing in the mosaic circle and ringed by the silent assemblage, awestruck and uncertain of what was expected of him, he felt vulnerable and exposed. The eyes of the Jedi were distant as they viewed him, but he sensed they were looking not past him, but inside.
They began to question him then, without preliminary introductions or explanations, without expending any effort at all to make him feel comfortable or welcome.
Anakin Skywalker, 12 years old:
They [Jedi] keep me here because I have potential they’ve never seen before. They keep me in training because they’re curious to see what I can do. I feel like a rich man who never knows whether his friends are true - or whether they just want his money.
This was a particularly galling thought, and certainly neither true nor fair. Why do they put up with me, then?
Anakin Skywalker, 20 years old:
The Jedi Council didn’t want me, either. Being the Chosen One didn’t count for anything. Master Yoda wouldn’t train me, or Windu.
Every member of the Jedi Council had had something more pressing to do than help him work out what this terrible, galaxy-changing power of his meant, and how he should live in its shadow.
He still wasn’t sure.
Anakin recalled standing there in that grand, polished Jedi Council Chamber, surrounded by what felt like fear, and disdain, and bewilderment - who were those Masters to feel bewildered, when he was the one uprooted from everything he knew and told he had a destiny? - and feeling that the only person there who cared if he lived or died was Master Qui-Gon Jinn.
Maybe she[Ahsoka]’s like me. Maybe nobody else wanted to train her, either. Anakin didn’t want to do it, but he knew how it felt to be rejected.
He was the Chosen One, they told him. He was supposed to bring balance to the Force. Anakin thought that some little extra support might go with being the Chosen One, a helping hand or at least some understanding from the Jedi Council, but instead he was passed around like an unwelcome burden, ending up with Qui-Gon Jinn and then Kenobi because nobody else would have him.
His chosen status meant less than nothing; it felt more like a stigma. And they wondered why he was difficult at times. Maybe they didn’t want balance, whatever that was. Maybe nobody liked a Jedi who was that different. He felt like an embarrassment to them.
I do everything you ask of me. I try so hard. When is it going to be enough? When are you going to say, “Okay, Anakin Skywalker, you’re good enough”?
Anakin Skywalker, 22 years old:
The Supreme Chancellor has been family to Anakin: always there, always caring, always free with advice and unstinting aid. A sympathetic ear and a kindly, loving, unconditional acceptance of Anakin exactly as he is - the sort of acceptance Anakin could never get from another Jedi. Not even from Obi-Wan.
“If he asked me to spy on you, do you think I would do it?”
Now it was Obi-Wan’s turn to fall silent.
“You know how kind he has been to me.” Anakin’s voice was hushed. “You know how he’s looked after me, how he’s done everything he could to help me. He’s like family.”“
”The Jedi are your family-“
”No.“ Anakin turned on his former Master. “No, the Jedi are your family.
A little straight talk might be just what he needed. A little straight talk might burn through the fog of half-truths and subtle confusions that the Jedi Council had poured into his head.
